What am I to say

Never had there been since a day like one in which we were to enjoy ourselves if not looking forward to yet another . Nor will we fail to relish and relive each moment spent with friends whom just seem unseperatable. And it seemed so real , but time and again time itself has proven what things could turn its tables on you , just right when you're not looking , and time flies by and you find yourself at a loss of actions and words and things have become too late and too little . (Duh y did I type that for ?)

Bedok > Seletar ... for now
Aye nvm . Right so since whence has blogger decided to take my buisness again . Its been messing up for the past weeks , and i havent really sorted it out . Trainings have been rather unfruitful the past weekend. NOw that we've shifted over to seletar , i thought that should have been a new fresh start from which we could pull away from the misery. Wishful thinking ... Now i love Bedok ever more that before . Nah not i dun like seletar , its still too early to make direct statements , but the first impression hasnt reallly made be very impressed.
The training came and went with me having zero water time ... Basket i was at the shoreline testing out the new water condition and helping pple launching the boats off cos the makeshift pontoon were crowded with dragonboats in prep for the race going on next day . And mind u the water is so full of crap , mud grass weeds algae twigs , u name it . And they actually drink from it. So happily went for abt 5 mins , then so rapidly did the patch of big bad black clouds assume blasting position hover on top of us we were caught off guard when the first bolt crashed some fraction of a second away only. Alarm sound all to evac and head back up .

Amidst thunder and lightning striking too cloase for comfort we grudgingly moved the boats quickly back in b4 the heaven started to refill the reservoir . And we had to do Land fitness training in the boat shed cos coach deemed it fit and that we had nothing to do while trapped by the rain. Moving around the confined space we started on all those star jumps crunches push up . Dam no paddling at all . None .

All right so seletar aside theres still more to put forth as a unpleasant fact faced .

First is , because of the resettlement issue , the reamining two precious wednesday trainings for J1 is cancelled cos J2 still training at bedok , and coach neva managed to master astro-space particle physics , shape-shifts , and fen shen shu. So he cannot be at two places at one time .

Second , since we split two ways , the resources available too becomes shared . True at seletar we have a more private space against interference and proper facilities like the shed and toilet etc . BUt the limitedness of the boats is a frustrating fact that most just cant seem to get over . There isnt enough to go around , and JESUS didnt do the " turn water into boats " miracle , nor fed us five paddles two boats. And we wont find 12 baskets worth of leftover boats anywhere .


Our precious water time :( ..............duh

Eat Sleep Train Study

19-04-07

Sighz

Nowadays I'm all occupied up to the minute . No doubt and it stills maintains a stable orbital around Canoeing . And I thought this type of hectic schedules only applies to the start of the year when we were but trying to adapt to the rapid changes . Seriously it sounds rather absurd but all thats is can summarise into these four words : EAT SLEEP TRAIN STUDY


EAT : Nothing fancy also . For this matter coach took a whole bit of de-briefing time after water training to lecture us on the importance of diet habits . BAsically on his " xian dan " of not falling sick , to maintain alkaline body . But hor given the fact that our body is slight acidic , thought later become alkaline will die one notz ? haha ... Oh yah one key part of alkaline diet mean its VEGETARIAN ... Abstaining from meat , but given certain circumstances like at home i also try lah , try .....


SLEEP: Sleep is one deprived part . Days with training i come home already like 8-9 plus depending on the training and days . Well now that have got PW to do end up having to work at night on the computer , researching perfecting the paper , and finding faults with it and re-perfecting it . The prob is everytime i re-type i find even more faults and flaws . Sianz



Train: I guess I dun have to talk a lot about it . Other than usual fitness training and the likes of it , realise our water progress isnt really that optimum. I 'm ok with the T1 , maybe a little more stamina needed to maintain long distance power strokes . Playing out the K1 and K2 , attempting to balance andrealised that the sculling we were drilled into really works alot in balancing ... But my proficiency still not that good .


Another thing is that we're losing pple by the week . Tons of them quitted , one by one some are fired , rejected , and sent off. Let it never be me , I dun want to have come so far to be told i cannot make it . Hmm... really cos at this point of time I think I shouldnt be still worrying about whether anot i get to stay . But the stress is in the air , I'm not gonna deny the fact that i may not be the best , but still i give it my best , my all Kinda brings to memory the old phrase from the Scout Hymn : " Grant as I promise , courage new for me , to be the best , the best that I can be "



Study: Thats an important part of school we often forgo. Its a part of a sacrifice all of us knew when we first joined . And having stayed thus far we have made the commitment to balnce it as best as we can . Well at least for me its always been a hassle to find myself at a lack of time , when all procrastinations condensed into one night one plain despair . SO on non-training days its always me hanging out in the library till closing . Mugger if i have to be labelled , but WTH i cant even find a open time slot for a tuition , even as now i bit by bit mess up my work .

Opportunity costs of training = study ... Law of diminshing marginal utility comes into play here ... Haiz

Runner's High

HOOOOOooooooooo.......



---Another widely publicized effect of endorphin production is the so-called "runner's high", which is said to occur when strenuous exercise takes a person over a threshold that activates endorphin production. Endorphins are released during long, continuous workouts, when the level of intensity is between moderate and high, and breathing is difficult. This also corresponds with the time that muscles use up their stored glycogen and begin functioning with only oxygen. Workouts that are most likely to produce endorphins include running, swimming, cross-country skiing, long distance rowing, bicycling, aerobics, or playing a sport such as basketball, soccer, or football.---[Cite source , http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endorphin]


Right so the point abt this is goes quite a way back to yesterday's training ......

The night(ie tuesday night) before there i was doing a little timely reflection abt myself and my own circle of influence and namely what i am doing .

In terms of CANOEING here we are at this stage where we find ourselves standing along the sideline . Looking at the seniors do their sprinting sets during water trainings was a way to keep things in mind that it was like a prequel glimspe into our very near future . Was supposed to have a sculling test by coach to determine our competence in boat handling .
Well the T1 isnt really a hell lot of a good racer , maintaining equilibrium of its standing between the more common racers and training boats . Pretty much served its purpose for us , after all these 3 months it was these Ts that kept us occupied and gave us "wings to fly " (for a lack of a better metaphor," oars to paddle")

So it seems that we're here with hell lotsa ezperience? Well after all there's still the 2nd intake pple of which we're could flaunt out to ...
Talk abt a bigger field , here is us Team SAJC canoeing at Bedok reservoir , and maybe we could be forgiven for indulging in the thought that we might well be the superiors in the field of canoeing racing ? Well we've got a good coach , comfortable budget , great training area , good teachers and a mind-boggling team assembled ... THINK AGAIN !!!


Saw Clayton Chew the other day at macritchie ... So here he comes NJC Canoeing , and man i dun wanna admit but he's hell lot a fitter person than i knew him to be . 3 months was all it took to turn him from a fat,big , weak , gook into one hell of a rower .... Well they're the champ undisputed , so IF WE ARE TO BE THE CHAMPS , WE TRAIN LIKE THE CHAMPS ...



Which was what's that on my mind ... So here's my little prayer that night :" Dear GOD , I have a hectic training schedule tmrw . Morning training , PE , then water training ... I'm not gonna even ask u to make it a easy day for me . I ask that YOU make it the kind of training we're supposed to be having ... MAKE US THE CHAMP ... AMEN!!!"

Coming back a little closer on wednesday , well after all that hapened in the morn which was quite some running done plus PE ... We're supposed to have our water training , but this time the 2nd intake is coming along with us ...
So much for water training , we simply had long briefing for the benefit of the newcomers by coach and his trademark hour long introductory speech . I shall not elaborate ...

KEy part is next... "ALL right guys u all go for two rounds and come back here guys and girls together "
Sounds good huh? 2 rounds ... Considering that one round the reservoir is like 4.3 KM !!! ... SO I thought "Here it comes , Train like a champ ... ME and my big mouth "

"SO WE PRESS WITH EAGER FEET ..." uh ... went with ZHi HAo and hence decided not to block anyone;s way considering the average speed of both of us. Hung at the back of the whole guy's pack thruout the whole run ... TOtal timing for 8.6KM : 1hr 2 min. Not impressive ... BUt that what i got , what they called the RUNNER'S HIGH. Adrenaline plus endorphin plus all those natural steroids pumping thru the veins at the last leg . SERIOUS , i could feel it the HIGH u get for continous exercise . Its like a sudden surge of um... "happiness" and enthusiasm as I run and run and run mindlessly . AFter that ... just shagged out .....


The power of a prayer .... Its powerful ... Dun abuse it ... Me and big mouth ......

Emo recovery mechanism ... lolx

Sheesh ...


Coming around the corner point of this whole mess I landed myself in , a pit dug over the years and slowly accumulating the depth till light finally was blocked off the edge .... The issue here is not church becoming boring , nor is it a struggle with the Creator .


Years before, when I first stepped over to the Light side of earth ,(ie. go to church... sry getting a little poetic ) I acted as if I was here to "set things right with God Himself", to "expand my own horizon beyond the shanty town of Bishan ", and all those politically correct model answers anyone cound think up of when questioned with the reason for having made to become christian .

Nah the root was , trying to get some healthy companionship with a different circle of friends , which , well , everything the cell group had provided for . THAT , being so , was a key restrainer that kept me staying in church so so long . Yeah I know its not really good now , but hey then was the me in sec 2 ... NOw will i understand truly how in-the-well-frog wass the days in Cat High like ... Dun get me worng I love them all , but somehow there's that something missing from the perfect kind of school life pple alll looking out for ...

Now if i were to trace the problem back , it all boiled down to this : I tried to let my frens in church overtake the importance of God himself ...
Which is why i think HE has HIS way of setting things right to its proper manner.

Its goes in a pattern ...

2004 march-Me first time go church , enjoyed myself with the old N127, hanged around with them quite a bit ... Kinda made it my way of life , too much focus on the pple and less of the main reason why i'm here ... June we multiplied , half the pple left ...

2004~2005 Around this period of time again with the relatively new cell group we had a fun time bonding ... Clicked together always and it really felt like family .... After a while the same kind of effect happen (now as i look back i realised ... at that time it wasnt so crystal clear to me )... Then came mid 2005 we multiplied again .... ONce more I see pple i grew so close to leaving ....

2006~2007 - Around this period of the year was when i was most actively serving in Usher MInistry ... Hyped up with the serving ... Every addtional logistic support duty i'll be there , every pm , conference , wateva , i'll be part of the usher crew ... Grew close to my team , to the s ection then to everyone as a whole ... Which then well , it felt as if serving in the ministry climbed on top of God to me .... Frens in the ministry were like brothers in arms ......

Present - NOw summarising all above , its was always me neglecting church for some reason that let to a period of down-ness , which help in the recovery of emotional attachments ... And its always Him initiating the recovery mechanism , to set my paths straight again ... HOwever painful the transition may be ... Cos for now sudd church feels mundane ... maybe its just another chance for me to focus back to Him again ... After this , its time to pick up where i left off again ... To mend broken relationships and reatke up posts and respondsibilities .... hahax


What I am trying to say is , hey , I'm OK ... PPle keep asking me if i am having depression after reading my previous posts ...

Priorities set right ...

Cranked out ....

My life is revolving around Canoeing ... Long time neva blogged ... so when i wanted to write something , theree wasnt anything but canoeing in my mind ... Well its good and bad ...
But given the irony things have become ... Talking with Clarence the other day made me realise this ....
By grace i was given a chance in SAJC ... (well i barely skimmed the cut-off point of 8) ... God then let me pass the Canoeing selections (which well i was quite suprised )... NOw ... I am so taken up by Canoeing that i neglect church ....
Its not that i'm complaining ... I dun resent the long and often trainings ... I love the team ... I love the sport ...

Somewhere along the line of time ... an indefinite period or point in time ... I stepped over this imaginary line ... From that time , i forgot when , the switch over was made , all that fervour , passion , that was for the church and cell group and ministry was replaced by an addiction to water ... (quite literally) ... I havent went for sunday church svc for like a month ... I havent seriously commit to Ushers and cell group for how long ...

Yong Wei, my dear usher team leader, sought me out on Sat after the svc , rather concerned about my prolonged absence ... Everyone around could sense the difference .... ChenYang have changed ... What happened man ? Beats me .... Its just not the same anymore ... Its not getting any better ... I need to make a decision on whether to stay on ... Thats what he said :"I know what u feel ... i'm not pressuring u ... At the end of your A level years , then ur army years ... TOtal 4 years ... At the 4 years , what do you see yourself as in the church ? PCGL? Ministry leader? " He hit the point... What am I gonna be ?

ON closer analysis ... Just so happens that the USHER MINISTRY GROUP 4 had to have a internal re-shuffling at the point of time i was making a transition to JC lifestyle ... NOt much of lifestyle .. Rather that the environment, the cultural shock ,the pple ...
Prior that i was all about Ushers ... Every PM , special conference , Svc , meetings etc i would be present ... Getting the hang of it ... The endless spent folding bulletins , shifting chairs , directing human traffic flow , in the carpark ... EXPO Hall 8 wat has that meant to me ?

Setting priorities ... Yeah ... I'm not gonna try to lie to myself .. There were times when i thought , maybe , just maybe , that i could let God not be the first .... WHy had I been so ready to skip church for training on Sundays ? WHy was I so reluctant to go for cell group after training on Fridays ?

Its me rambling again ... Verbal diarrhoea ... shat ... No more insipirations ... And dun worry abt me .. I'm not depressed , I'm just spitting my mind off and pondering abt my own situation

Orientation 2 aftermath

WHam...

Just so now reaching into the school holidays after the Orientation 2 , which well isnt as much fun , or in this case the felling of an orientation isnt any strong anymore ... Maybe its just us SA J1 veterans who are not as enthussiastic abt it and not really making an effort to reach and and bond with the pple ... Dun get me wrong it has nothing to do with the councillors ... They probably put in as much if not more effort for this orientation programme ... Its just that to me the whole enviroment has already blended into my system ... And that includes the pple and area ...
So going thru this orientation the most comfortable thing to do is to hang out with pple already know and play thru it ... But hey i didnt outcast the newcomers ok .....

After orientation ended some of us (07S07) met up to have supper over at one of the coffee shop which joel nicked it "chicken rice" before hopping over to macs ... Then saw Zelda our dear O1's OG24's OGL ... Brings back to remeberance the time where we first day of school ... Blur and disoriented (hence the necessity of an orientation) newcomers all of us was ... That time first day when we gathered outside the General Office in the mess of a parade of school uniforms ... PPle in all sorts of uniform sha-shaying around (well ... not really lah )... Then some one annouced : "J1s , please start heading into the cultural center!!!!"
Well at that point in time this phrase kept resounding in me ....
"J1s please start heading into the cultural center"
"J1s please start ..."
"J1s please"
"J1s"
"J1s"
"J1s!!!!!!!"
IT was like Oh my gosh ... I'm J1 !?!?!
I'm always used to the times back in scouts when we were basically ordered by level ...
"Sec 1s go fetch the equipment..."
"Sec 1s gather at the grandstand"
"Sec2s all u all KNOCK IT DOWN !!!!"
"Sec 3s tmrw all meet at 1 pm ..."
"Sec 4s whos coming down tmrw to help?..."

Bascially ... anyone with a J-prefix to their names was like a supreme being ....
So in my untested mindset I was still stuck in my eggshell ... J - the magic word ... J spells authority ...
So when that person said "J1s pls ...." it completed my initiation of the mind ... I AM A J1 ......

Looking back .... the seniors who call PAE the "honeymoon" period probably meant it straight from their heart and probably deeper from the arteries ... When we treated like we owned the school ... Fool around , sleep in lectures , class gathering , OG gathering , CCA gathering , ex-class gathering , last min copy tutorials , choosing to stone in the cafe ( remember saints its pronounced - "Kare-ffff") rather than attend lessons... I miss u all ...
And despite what many pple say , i'm not complaining ... I dun say "oei y so many pple leave" or "Sianz i got no frens staying" ... I'm relishing the memories and safe keeping them so they remain a part of my life ... So when i lookin back again after graduation i can really say "JC rawks !!!" or something like that, and still have a basis to prove my point ...

Through rain or shine... To those who say goodbye ...

Hmm

Suffice to say , I am staying in SAJC for this JAE intake ... And there are many who are not ...through those rain or shine (literally rainy days and scorching days) that we've been thru , dear OG 24 , 07S07, dun forget us that there's still this bunch that are always grateful for ur presence ... Remember , "NO one is here by Chance " I am really glad to have been ur fren ... BE it involuntarily or intentionally , this is for all those who are leaving us ... THANK YOU




(Editor's note: I'm sorry its very late now and there orientation tmrw.. i mean this morning ... Too tired to squeeze anything insipirational out of my brain...I shall continue again next time )

(Edited 10/3/07-11:32 PM)

To Pee Hua , my dear angel whom i never reciprocated her letters , now that I dun have a chance to give , yikes ... Sry lah did I deprive u of a good and sporting mortal ? Nvm but really leh i have it prepared during the final class outing that time but u left early b4 i realised it then whoops too bad ... Haha

Tired ... depressed

我很累

Very Very tired now ... the physical exhaustion has converted directly into emotional lethargic-ness .. Been running on a very busy schedule lately , balancing school , training , plus various activitiies , even though some of them may not be very necessary , (Eg . impromptu class outings ) ...

This week end shall again be burnt in Canoe training ... so was last week ... come to think of it pple like sharon and ceyong i have been seeing them everyday without fail cos of being in the same class and same cca duh ... and just so happens that both them are the cg reps ....... coincidental ?

Feeling somehow quite low , partially due to lack of sleep , partially to whatsoever reson i cant explain ... just return from cell group meeting at jaryl's ... realised that somehow , the appeal of being around the cell group some how faded along the way as time passed by ... not being so relevant anymore , cell group has become another group of pple i just so happen to know ... ARgh why is this so ? i feel so far away ... where is the old lively N127 that always was one of the most impt group of pple in my life ... where is the old CY that never fails to turn up for every meeting , outing , PM,ever enthusiastic abt church , ....

What does God and church mean to me ? how long was it since i took time out to for my personal quiet time with Him ? i cant answer , i cant find it in me ... i lost it , i failed to comprehend the rationale of the situation , its a mess , i dunno how to pick it back up , i want to walk away , shucks what is happening to my life .....

Yong wei called me the other day ... asked me if had any interest to rise up in the Usher Minstry ... come to think of it i have been in there for more than 1 year ... Some how , it isnt up to me to decide ... the me now cant handle my own timing and schedule ... how am i expected to assist in the running of the team of ushers ... argh .. had he asked me during the hols i would have snapped it up ... then time was free to me ... now it is a scarcity ... hyperinflation in time ... duh

I am losing my senses i dunno wat am i writing anymore ... good night ...