So i thought it be proper to write something down in this important crossroads in life.

Or so i think, save the fact that i'm next to worn out by the weeks and months of involvement in chingay. Not that i'm complaining though; it had been a monumental decision to sign up, but i guess what's different this time round is that now there's so much more than it meets the eye.

If anything learnt, I'll say, one should not take the small little things in each event for granted.

Oh wells, so it goes. My, what, near to 2 years of youth. Pooof, and its gone. What i got was a life changing experience, little thanks to the previous generations. Maybe i was inclined to be passive in this period, but always on the top of the list was to make this time worthwhile. No matter what i was supposed to do.

I feared, i passed, i endured, and i enjoyed this time. Not everything in life has to be gain afterall.

But what's in store for me in this next segment of life, it could be half a year lull, or it could mean the opportunity for another adventure. When i'm done with it, lets not be greedy alright. One step at a time.

God grant me the courage to meet these new challenges, and the opportunities not to be missed.

For now, Chingay comes. who has the heart to care about what ord?

Wow.

It always feels good to sit down and start pondering over the events of each period of life. And more aptly so since a threshold was just passed.

I never really thought much about birthdays, until now. When the love was low and the friends were few, that when i think one can really feel the moment of joy when blessings are piled on.

I'll learn to love this moment after my return to normalcy.

And since i'm here as well....

Its near to the end of all that nonsense this year represented. But still, looking back, we've all grown. To each our own ways, we let go of the former immaturity and take up new challenges. We fall, we get slapped, we walk through the depths of the valleys and we've seen the sky, ultimately, we've grown.

I'm not about to say how much or how little, but a simple fact that as i look at the year that will come to a closure soon, i'm glad at the choices i've made. I've been to Chingay and i'm back in there again. I've picked up my Japanese, i've made my presense felt. And most importantly, I'm back with God again.

Though i'm terribly unfit now, but wells, that can wait:P

The trip overseas with the cell brought much to mind, and soon there'll be more to come. So guess i should see the day again when my heart is healed. Then, the funs truly begins.

I not going to say time passes fast, well at least for this stage. At least its not dreadful like it used to be. Heh on the contrary, I'm limitless thankful for the series of events that happened that brings me to where i am now.

There's time to think, there's time to play, and there's time to pursue an alternative dream.
(save for the fact that there isn't discipline to keep fit).

I know, the experiences in volunteering, be it in the recent Chingay 2010 or otherwise, has helped to widen my view and capacity. Youth and young adults we are, but there's this thought at the back of my mind that we're all growing older.
No longer are we the innocent younglings who remain at our spot waiting to be taught, waiting to be led, to be influenced.

Instead, i find myself in a place where i need to teach, to lead, to bring across an ideology to the sub-generation before me. And to still remain teachable, and guided, a tricky balance that we do not fall for contempt to that of those who have more to teach than us.

Or so to say, those who are younger, but yet achieved more in this stage. I struggled in this before, and not forgetting the grace that brought me here, there wont be so much a full-blown jealously. Maybe a tinge of envy, and with it brings a whole surge of motivation to work towards a higher goal.

Yes there are friends whom i crossed paths with that has brought me a lot of motivation.

Youths we were, and perhaps, still vaguely so. Isnt it time to for us to have revelation of what our future will be like? Beyond the university degrees and job prospects? What is your dream, one that will ultimately define how you lived your life? Should we have started earlier to maintain a headstart advantage to our peers? Or do we stay on and learn more before emabarking on an adventure of our own?

I cant say for sure, but God in his wisdom has His plans for us all.

I guess TT was right. Its nice to have something to mark each stage in life so that theres something you could look back upon and laugh upon it.

It serves too to remind ourselves of the lessons learnt and how to help others in future when they too go through their share of troubles, just like how you received help from others in your own time.


So much have passed and i dont have much to remember it for. Other than the constant reminder of the so many new friends who crossed path with me, its a comforting thought.
Yet with the abundance of time of this 2 year lull in life, we ought to take full use of this opportunity to pickup what we've lost.

To realign those young ambition which seemed to far away not so long ago.

Maybe, but after it wasnt meant for other people to know about anyway. So whats the point of blogging in the public?

Regurgitating words that comes through the mind so others or yourself next time could analyse your state of mind now. I think thats what happening to me. haha

And slowly time is to drift away, again another crossroad was taken.
Just that this time , it was a little disappointment. Well not exactly demoralising, i do welcome that feeling of worth that comes along with it.

BMT passed with a high, an exhilarating finish, and an even better block leave that made me feel like a civilian again. Haha

Random panic seizures about the uncertainties grips me, often leave me wondering about my own capacity to achieve what i set out to do. And relying on raw perseverance and idealogy alone is not going to work everytime. Tested and proven NOT to work. Just look at how many times have I fallen to that temptation.

A reminder to myself to stay firm in that belief, and, always looking toward the liberation of this kind of life. Yea though its our turn to serve NS, though we all promise to do our best to be leaders to be great soldiers to be role models, we just cant wait for it to go away and never come back.

Shooo

Wasnt it all well lived, the month or so time spent in the other world. Well at least that other island felt like a world of its own. It can get pretty hard to cope had it not been the constant encouragement both given and received. Though this is still in its early stage of formation, not battle hardened, its hard to say whether we will last as lifelong brothers, or just a memory that struggles to be maintained.


Safe to say, I'm coping well. Perhaps just need to pick up that outspokened side of me so as to maximise the time in there. No point living it all low-profile and let the time pass by is it?

On another note, movie at Eugene's place , Men of Honour, brought up my bugging matter at hand.

Do i really want a place in the navy?
Do i really know what i'm getting into.

I'm trapped in a passivity, knowing that nothing much i could do to affect the probability of really making it to the Navy, or for that case, qualify for OCS would be a more tangible goal to aim, and continue down the path from there.
Still there's that colour vision test to pass, which is another story on its own.

God willing, I can. Otherwise, there's no talk about it.

Here it comes, another crossroad in life. Sneaked up on me so quickly that i didnt notice.

Yesterday i saw my last of my little island. Now its time to swap it for another island, one that, doesnt promise to be that all fun and frolic.
Still its not so daunting after all. Keeping in mind that i'm just one of the lost many that would have to go through the same situation, its somewhat comforting to know that unknown batches have came and went without much hiccups.

So its time i set my own things right, and once again to challenge myself in this new environment.
Even if it means i'll void my life once again.
And this time, i go without a burden.

So i rested , hanged around, and for that once more , to sit down and think again.

And results day , was just , a lil epilogue of the journey. Yes it was fufilling , but not satisfying. What could have been that future, because i wont deny that a part of me desires for something more, something that puts me in that higher order , or level , or whatever of life. NO i'm not noble , no i dont think that i am that high above others. Maybe its just because i've been away from my own heart for so long, addressing issues that doesnt concern me, i'm neglecting myself.

So ouch, i've been shot, literally , yet i'm glad it hurt me just enough to put some sense into myself. Being considerate of how others might think, or might feel, as a direct consequence of my own actions. Draw back and hold your own line they say, yes it might just work. After all time isnt a lot left for me . About 3 weeks to enlistment, thought i should just set things right before this season is over.


Back to the point of future, there's that university applications to consider. Same case as when choosing JC, i hit the borderline of what i wanted , and then , in faith , let God be the one to choose my path. While not always feasible , at least there's this rear-end sercurity comfort that makes worth its while.

While my own obnoxious behaviour of indecisive past still haunts my resolution, lets hope that this time , since the choice of course could well determine the career path, let it be guided again .

Let God guide me again .



I'm returning home .