And so , holidays over .

That phase of training is over , and before we step into the reality of BT2 , stop while, take inventory.

Couple hours to BT2 , Couple days to Nationals , not so scary does that sound actually. For all we could prepare, whether or not were the regrets left behind , regrets of whether we could have done more or achieved more, its over. No more time for another routine, no more chance for a rematch.

And it has always been , since the start of last year we've been told to anticipate the coming of tougher times, and when finally we learn to embrace it , it not so tough after all. Slap me up if necessary, i dont feel anxious for the time being. A timely sense of peace from heaven if thats what it is , to keep me calm.

Let it come , let the block test come. Let the racers come.

And I just didnt realised i could get so tired , of the many things that seemed so significant yet meant little.

NOt saying such , but yeah , this a rare time to be training with our secret "mentor" , a rare opportunity , that was so randomly handed to us . BUt yet somehow i cant really find words to fill the gap of memory , right maybe i'm tired enough that way.

Training, racing, fuelled by maybe not passion , but an external expectation of the need to do better. Driven by ego perhaps, of not wanting to lose. NOt to teammates , not to rivals.

Do forgive me for the incoherent phrasing , things are really not up my senses , and my butt isnt really forgiving to me . Putting in a post so at least i'll remember something out of this period of time that was supposed to , well mean alot to any canoeist, but i cant find the words nor linguistic flaunts to describe.

I'm beginning to find out how little you actually meant, because i cant give out forever, more than my equal share of the offering . So well , its my long awaited time to let go , not fully , but gradually , painlessly , yet carrying a load full of lessons learnt . Wow.