I just hope, if possible, that i'm still perceived as the good guy, because ultimately i dont intend to casue deliberate hurt to anyone, stranger or friend.

And in times where the wounded is to be picked up and tended to , i dont try to stab him down. That is my principal, my promise to myself, that'll i always align myself with the light side, if only ever there was a clear line betweeen.

I still care.

Perhaps yea , now its what feels like being an adult.

Haha , not in the practical sense , but just feels like. Being responsible for every action , even if it means ending up some days a jobless street bum, or the sting of full-costs of transportation. Walking along the road couple days back got me thinking. No school , no teachers , no classmates to be accountable for. I'm just like anyone along the street, an adult?

It seems so much to be suddenly heaped with that knowledge. Even more so having spent the first half of the month immobilised by those darn mosquitoes, and missing out on those little events.


Its kind of like being left out of something big. Something that hits me particularly hard, and its not going away with time. Changes that occurred without me being witness to the transition, and thrown out into the reality, facing it like strangers do. No longer having that same old sense of belonging to my old people, and like the past, its had been.



People you spend too much time with, turns strangers overnight. Not literally strangers , just , a realization that i dont know others as much as i'm supposed to, a barrier of sorts hindering that vital communication .

And frankly what happened today proved my own point. Surprisingly , i'm more inclined to speak with strangers , more at peace in talking with acquaintances than i would be comfortable in speaking with the supposedly closest bunch of friends around me.
That for some reason, a conversation with one that's not familiar with , we all tend to put on the most polite faces , presenting the most pleasant side of ourselves, and being more open to sharing information of ourselves , albeit superficial.

And not, living in a pre-formed paradox of other's behaviours , and others to us.
Being around "close" friends , it seems like a normal thing to do to think that we know best how to interpret their behaviour and mood status.
And that pretty much , destroys the whole purpose of being friends.

I'm working on it , but i can only change my thinking, and influencing others, doesnt sound like my field. Nopes.